Modern Film: The Farewell (2019)

★★★★

It is said that travel broadens the mind; that by going to different places, we see different ways of living, and that can’t help but make us reflect how we choose to live. I’m not sure how true that is when the modernised world is so tourism friendly. Being in another country feels foreign, but one had to almost go out of their way to experience life in a foreign way in those places. I’d argue that the arts, films especially, are better at showing what it’s like to be part of another culture because they can embody both the how and why of living in a different culture.

The Farewell is a story of a clash of cultures – East vs West, China vs America – in dealing with death. When Billi (Awkwafina) finds out her beloved grandmother (Zhao Shu-zhen) is dying, she wants the chance to say goodbye. Only that in Chinese culture, Nai Nai’s terminal cancer is kept from her, and Billi’s parents worry that she will inadvertently give this devastating news away. Instead, the family has concocted a wedding of Billi’s naturalised Japanese cousin as a pretence to have one last reunion in China that Billi gate crashes.

With Nai Nai’s sons dispersed to Japan and America, a lot of the dialogue is around the differences in culture. Those who have only lived in China want to know what life is like in America and wonder how “Chinese” those who have left still are. The discussions over whether to tell Nai Nai about her terminal diagnosis are a debate over individualism and collectivism, and what it means to live in a collective culture. So much is for appearances, including lying about how long Billi’s cousin and his Japanese fiancée have been together. One memorable scene is at the grave of Billi’s grandfather, as they leave offerings while putting on a show of sorrow. It’s an organic way to have those cultural moments without them feeling contrived.

The strength of the movie is the relationship between Billi and Nai Nai. While she can’t be honest with her parents about her failure to secure a prestigious fellowship, she can with her grandmother. It makes the decision not to tell her grandmother about the cancer all the more tragic, having to pretend that the sadness she shows is caused by something else. The relationship they had when Billi was a child is one of Billi’s best memories. This hit home as it reminded me of the relationship I had with my grandmother growing up. She died when I was a teenager and that was devastating.

Seeing how other people live is different from understanding how they live. What we see is appearances, but why is often tied up in culture and experience, both of which are hard to glean by just observing. Stories are a fantastic way to share these intangibles that make sense of the lived experience. Without them, we just see what others do through the intangibles we’ve internalised through our lived experience.

If you liked The Farewell, try: Minari, Everything Everywhere all at Once, Hillbilly Elegy